Case Study: A new pen pal
Quite a few of my family members have been in trouble with the police before. One of my sisters was on a tag for a while – and now my dad and my brother, Luke, are in prison. They got taken away by the police one day and just never came home. It was really scary! And now that they are in prison far away, I feel so alone. It feels like everyone I care about goes to prison, leaving me behind.
I don’t want to talk to anyone about how I’m feeling. I can’t explain it. And even if I could, they wouldn’t understand. Not even my mum…
Recently a lady called Rachel came round to my house. She told me that she is from an organisation called Families Outside who support families with a loved one in prison. She wanted to talk to me about how I am feeling now that my dad and brother have gone away, and to see if she could help.
I wanted to tell her that I miss my dad and Luke a lot, that I feel so left behind, and that I’m scared more of my family are going to go to prison until I am left with no one to look after me. But I couldn’t… I didn’t know how to say it. I felt like I didn’t have the words for all the big feelings that I’m feeling.
Rachel understood. She could tell that I found it hard to say how I was feeling out loud. She knew that I needed some time to be alone and have a little think. But she told me that if I ever wanted to tell her about how I was feeling, I could always write her a letter instead.
At first, I wasn’t sure. If I can’t say it out loud, would I be able to say it in a letter? But a few days later, we were learning about poetry at school and my teacher got us to write our own poems. As I was writing, I felt like a bit of weight was being lifted off my shoulders – even though I wasn’t writing about my dad or Luke. And I realised, maybe I would like to write Rachel a letter…
At break time that day, I spoke to my teacher, and she said that she would help me write my letter to Rachel. My teacher is always very kind and I trust her. Even though I felt a bit scared to talk about everything that has been going on, she was really understanding about it. She helped me write my letter to Rachel, explaining some of the worries I have about my dad and Luke being away in a strange place separated from me, and my fears that other members of my family might get taken away by the police too. I also told Rachel some more things about myself, like how I like playing football, drawing, and walking my dog with my mum. It felt good to write it all down and to think about all of the good things in my life as well as some of the things that make me sad.
After school, my mum helped me to address my letter to Rachel and post it off to her at the post box. I liked licking the envelope to close it, although it tasted funny!
Over the next week, I carried on as normal, going to school, going to football practice and going on some muddy walks with my mum and my dog. I still missed my dad and Luke, and I still felt a little bit worried that someone else might get taken away by the police too – but it felt good to have shared how I felt with Rachel.
Then, one day I got a letter in the post! It was so exciting. I don’t think I have ever had a letter in the post just for me, except for on my birthday!
I opened the letter to reveal a reply from Rachel! Me and my mum sat down to read it together. In the letter, Rachel told me that she understood my worries and that they are completely normal after going through the things that I have. She made me feel reassured about my dad and Luke in prison. She told me that they will be safe there, and that she could tell me more about prison and what it is like so I don’t feel so scared about it. She also made me feel a bit better about my fears of my mum or my sisters being taken by the police. And she asked me lots of questions about my hobbies and my dog too!
I can’t wait to write back to Rachel soon and tell her about how we won our football match at the weekend! I can also ask her some more questions about prison, so I can picture what my dad and Luke are getting up to.
I am so excited to have this new pen pal, who I can share my feelings with as well as what I have been up to and ask for advice. I’m glad we can be in touch in this way, instead of having to talk in person as this can feel really overwhelming for me. And maybe one day I’ll be ready to talk to Rachel face to face!
If you are a child or young person impacted by a loved one’s imprisonment, you are not alone. Imprisonment affects lots of families across the whole of Scotland.
If you need support or want to find out more, you can get in touch with our Helpline here.